My girls are almost 5 and 7. For many years I have listened to many Mother’s talk about their kids hitting milestones and being sad about them. These are the moments when you recognize that your baby is no longer your baby. The times that scream to you “they are growing up”. Some of these milestones occurred for Moms fairly early on in childhood. Perhaps it was the first time your baby rolled over or crawled.
I think most Moms get the “not a baby” feeling anymore when kids are starting Kindergarten. I have not typically been one of these Mothers. I have always been excited at the next phase, enjoying the growing up process. I did not tear up when I went back to work or when the girls started school. I actually really love the little people they have grown to be and all the challenges they present me.
Last night, I was met face to face with my heart breaking milestone. Our youngest daughter HAD long, long, long hair. It just about reached her butt. She has had two quick trims of her hair over the course of the last 5 years, until yesterday.
I do not recall how we came to be talking haircuts, but both girls concluded, decisively that they wanted haircuts. We discussed at length, once hair is cut, it is cut and you must wait until it grows back. They had no concerns. I felt this hollowness in my stomach, that is still there. “It’s just hair, it will grow back.”
My rational self knows and understands that this is true. I bravely stuffed my own feelings down and cut both girls’ hair. They are in love with the new shorter styles. But this is my proud Mom moment that makes me a little sad. In an instant my “baby” grew up. She stopped looking like a little girl. Her long swinging silly pony tail is replaced by this cute straight cut and a huge smile of a 5 year old.
It is such a foreign feeling for me to be sad at such a moment. The feeling in the pit of my stomach just sticks with me, like a lost piece. Accidentally I said aloud “you’re not my baby anymore” while I cut her hair and for a second her little eyes looked sad. I did not want my feelings to impact her love of the new-do, quickly I recovered with how amazing her hair looks.
I am so proud of the people they are becoming. I have faith that they will be wonderful grown-ups, but I have to admit, this has been a tough milestone for me.
What was your heart breaking milestone?