I recently read a post at Oh Happy Play. This blogging Mom of two girls (like me) wrote a post on Gender Disappointment. It flooded my mind with the memory of when we found out the gender of our first baby.
I remember from the time I started thinking about having children, I wanted two boys. They would be best friends and I would be a hockey Mom. I do not know where I came up with the idea/desire. I know, girls can play hockey too. I do, my sister does and currently so does my daughter. This is just what I remember thinking about.
When we were planning to get pregnant, I bought the book about how to “choose” the gender of your baby. I was sure we would be having a boy. There are moments in pregnancy and childbirth, that maybe you wish you could re-do, but can’t. I have two. I understand they were fueled by the raw emotion of the moment, but still they pick at my heart strings when I think about them.
The post on Gender Disappointment explains that yes, we want healthy babies, but we all know we had some “plan” for ourselves. Truth be told, someone else, somewhere else (up above or otherwise depending on your beliefs) also has a plan.
Lying there, belly exposed (and heart exposed metaphorically), I waited to hear “It’s a boy”. When the tech said “It’s a girl”, my response was a flat toned disappointment riddled “Oh.”. This moment I can not recover. I felt blind-sided.
Lucky for me, I married the right person. We balance each other out and he COMPLETELY SAVED the day. “Well, she’s baby Sophie.” And from that moment forward, she was Sophie. No looking back, the disappointment melted away. She will be 7 in a few weeks, and I would not change a thing. She is like a tiny clone of me and she is absolutely amazing (clearly genetics). Do I wish I had a better reaction? Of course, but that is not real life.
I agree it is hard to talk about gender disappointment, because how could you not love this bundle of joy that you created? Part of the understanding comes from knowing, I am not disappointed in her or myself. It was a thought that didn’t come to fruition and that’s disappointing. In it’s simplest form, it’s like planning to see a movie at 7pm, only to find out it’s only playing at 7:30pm.
In case you are wondering, the second do-over moment was after Sophie was born, immediately after. We had labored for 16 hours after being induced and went for a c-section at 6:30 in the morning. I had not had anything to drink for over 8 hours because I had been throwing up from the oxygen and meds. When the doctor pulled her out and said “Here she is”, I replied “Can I have a drink now?“.